Angry blogging

So,how does this go? "my name is, mein nama est Nadia and I'm an anger-holic??"
anyway so it be and so it is. I have a problem,it stinks, it doesn't work for me. I know it's caused by anxiety, which is caused by people and my inability to adapt and cope with weird illegal uncomfortable irreligious situations. funny how even the most normal looking folks do the strangest most dastardly things. Anyway i can't really do anything about them , so little things trigger and charge me up to a surmountable fit of rage that continues for an entire day, which in turn is completely wasted(my work proliferates for the next day thereof and therefore)and ultimately simmers to a morning headache.
The stimulus is usually my mother, because she's trying to help.and while I have no doubt about her philanthropic intentions, it is a pain indeed. and I don't understand why mothers can't take a hint.I know that's horrible of me.
However ignoring my bouts of rage until their momentum rises to an apex only leads to trouble and I'm sure every mother who goes through life thinking that she's being charitible and nice when she's annoying you, knows surely(not surly, which is another word) that she has it coming.
To what avail? to what point? it's as though the book of life has shifted into a dusty corner , has been read and reread and each every time the words remain unchanged. yet somehow there is a want of an end not yet reached by a means used and abused to exhaustion.
Anyway I used every swear word i know and understandibly in reation, my ma went ballistic. I don't see fasting as a testament to my faith rather a decent attempt to improve(it and myself). and attempts can be unsuccesful(don't I know it).
What is lucid however is that pages need be turned and i'll have to change,since she's never going to. as she was being nice right , by serving me when i want to be left alone by doing stupid dances in front of my so-called friends. it's okay when i do it they're mine , but it's embarrasing when she does. and there are other habits of 'wannabe cool' mum stereotype that cling onto her like tar on a 'getting paved again' karachi road.
I don't wish to discuss it however.I need to be more tolerate less distracted, blame less, move on, if smething bothers me I can try talking about candy canes and butterflies though when ur angry spite seeps through always, thus that would be utterly pointless, except to get a laugh from ma initially.
There's excercise, yoga , seeing a therapist? continuing learning german , making a time-table, that as history has shown I won't follow.Perhaps prayer and breathing excercises might help, if the pollution lets me inhale an oxy-friendly ercentage of toxins and others chemicals.Karachi's the most polluted city in the world. dehli comes second, number 13 is New York.
my daddy thinks that if i'm upset with amma/ma then i'm suddenly inclined to liking him which is not the case at all. That kind of sits at a certain fixed tempo but it's never enough to blow me to bits. I think it's because I expect from mother. 'if you expect great things you're bound to get disappointed or to not rejoice if things work out."i expect her to understand ans she acts like she does(like all mamas0 but she doesn't so it's always a disaster waiting to happen being fed with lies until the truth demands a part and wrecks everything.
Toodles
keep breathing
even if the good air/bad air ratio isn't exactly healthy/salubrious??
carry your parahernalia and off to work...
life is a fine thread of do's and don't's ...
scripted for those you cannot read...
I meant to write 'who' not 'you' but this fits.